In what was supposed to be a straightforward amalgamation of Campbellton, Atholville, Tide Head, and parts of some unsuspecting local service districts, residents now find themselves in the middle of a new kind of municipal drama—one where city management seems to have been hijacked by a group of old Liberal feminist ladies who’ve decided that social conformity is the new tax rate.
Yes, you heard that right. What started as a noble attempt to unify these communities has taken a sharp left turn into the land of enforced sameness, where any dissent is met with the subtle (or not-so-subtle) bullying that only a seasoned committee of social enforcers can dish out. Welcome to Camp-Athol-Tide-Head-Lot-O’Taxes, where your tax dollars aren’t just paying for pothole repairs—they’re funding a brand-new wave of social engineering.
Leading this charge is Mayor Nancy Mixup, who’s not just interested in balancing the budget, but in balancing the attitudes of her constituents. Mixup and her merry band of enforcers—let’s call them the Council of Conformity—have made it clear that this amalgamation isn’t just about bringing communities together; it’s about bringing everyone into line.
“We’re all in this together,” Mixup proclaimed at the latest town hall, her smile as tight as the new regulations on public decorum. “It’s time we move beyond our outdated individualism and embrace the future—a future where everyone agrees with us.”
The Council of Conformity, made up of local activists who’ve been championing the cause of “togetherness” (read: conformity) for years, is taking their mission seriously. Whether it’s regulating the tone of public discussions, mandating participation in civic events, or “encouraging” businesses to adopt the latest progressive policies, they’ve got their hands in everything. And woe betide anyone who dares to suggest that maybe, just maybe, not everyone wants to join the collective.
Take Tony Taxation from Atholville, for instance. He wasn’t just shocked by his higher tax bill—he was blindsided by the new community guidelines that came with it. “I didn’t realize being part of Campbellton meant I’d have to attend weekly ‘unity workshops’ and sign a pledge to ‘promote social harmony,’” Tony grumbled. “It’s like they’ve turned city hall into the Politburo, and we’re all supposed to just smile and nod.”
Meanwhile, in Tide Head, Molly Moreforless has found herself on the receiving end of the Council’s “community outreach” efforts. “They knocked on my door to remind me that the town’s name is now Tantramar, not ‘Tide Head’ anymore,” Molly said. “They even gave me a pamphlet on how to properly ‘integrate’ into the new community. I thought I was already integrated—I’ve lived here for 50 years!”
But the real kicker is the way these old Liberal feminist ladies are pushing their agenda under the guise of progress. The new municipal bylaws are peppered with phrases like “inclusive language,” “community standards,” and “collective responsibility,” but everyone knows what it really means: Fall in line or face the consequences.
The Council of Conformity has even introduced a new “cultural tax,” a small levy that goes toward funding programs designed to “correct” any lingering signs of nonconformity in the community. Want to host a private event? Better make sure it aligns with the new guidelines—or you’ll find yourself paying extra for the privilege of dissent.
As we inch closer to 2026, when the final tax rates are set to be locked in, residents are bracing for what’s next. Will the Council of Conformity tighten its grip even further? Will we see more taxes tied to our “social responsibility”? Or will the good people of Camp-Athol-Tide-Head-Lot-O’Taxes finally push back and reclaim their right to be, well, a little different?
One thing is for sure: The transition period isn’t just about taxes—it’s about control. And as long as the Council of Conformity is in charge, you’d better believe that control is the name of the game. So, here’s to the brave few who still dare to think differently. You’re going to need all the courage you can muster, because in this new municipality, there’s no room for rebels.*
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Any resemblance to real policies or people is purely coincidental—except when it’s not.